Sonia Mukhtar

Sonia Mukhtar

Counseling Psychologist, Naturalist, Bibliophile, Yogi and in essence an Author
Sonia Mukhtar

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    Denying the fact that Pakistani youth has been in and out of day to day dating and break-ups won’t be a smart move. What persuade me to write this article is 3 break-ups, 3 acquaintances of mine had experienced quite recently also reflected the frequency of girls and boys dating each other for some time and then move on. Just poof! But unfortunately one party never takes it nonchalantly and in result got hurt.  Suffice to say, it doesn’t get ended on dating, but divorces is also a form of separation and might procure the same reaction.


Some people cope with separations better than others and it reflects some aspects about the way one view themselves.

In a long term relationship, your own identity becomes entwined with your partner. So when relationship ended, you ended up confusing your partner’s traits for your own. How you respond when a break-up happens: whether you like to stay single or instead bounce back and forth quickly into another intense relationship?


Apparently, women who’d gone through a divorce or break-up seemed to have less conscientious and more emotionally unstable – they seemed to have found the break-up demoralizing. In contrast, men show signs of increased openness and have liberating effect of the break-up.  In very few cases, you might witness that men and women who through divorce or break-up had become introvert and shut down for a new experience. They might lose many of the friends and other relationships they shared with their spouses or partners, indicating that they had less chance to socialize and behave in open fashion. You might delete every shred of evidence of their existence from your mobile phone or social media accounts, burn their belongings or things you hold dear to your heart, return their gifts, block them  and may be their friends too… Your family members might have started complaining that you have changed and no the same old anymore.


Get over it! Although you contradict the effect but it had meaningful impact and consequences on any person’s life. It may be painful but you got to get to over it and you can get over it. Not for anyone but for yourself! Because you know surreptitiously in your heart that you are on the verge on loneliness!

One of the reasons that break-ups are has so distressing effect on you is that they can lead you to question who you are. More particularly a long-term, devoted relationship, your identity become so intertwined with your partner’s that when you lose them, you feel like you have lost the gigantic part of yourself. This could be perceived as a reduction in clarity of self-concept, you don’t feel like you have a clear sense as of you who you are anymore.

Your reactions and responses may be moderate by your belief about yourself that you are not the kind of person anybody wants to live with and you deserve this treatment by that person.  People with this frame of reference about themselves tended to take rejection more personally and feel that it exposed something terrible about their character and in the result they seemed to have found the break-up experience more distressing.


These kinds of attitudes and a set of mind are malleable when confronted to arguments (like from a magazine article) suggesting that rejection is never personal and how self-worth stance up above anything else. There is a positive way to interpret this situation presumably by retelling yourself that you are different, multi-faceted character adept of change, you can inoculate yourself to some extent against the distressing effect of rejection.

Not for anyone but for yourself!

It may be a smart move to anticipate this sort of effect and after a break-up to make an effort to forge new relationships and social circles and hence tend to focus on avoiding loneliness and self-demoralizing.  Of course the termination of a long relationship is highly unlikely to ever be easy but never forget that it must not be self- demeaning. And if the relationship happens to be restraining or claustrophobic (before it was ‘being protective’ now it’s clear that it was being suspicious and abusive’), you need even more to have feelings of hope and new desire for a better life. Always believe that you did best and only best will come to you; just hold on to hope’s rope!

… So do not be of the despairing. -Quran 15:55