Latest posts by Fiza Baloch (see all)
- The Ongoing Corruption In Jinnah University For Women - May 14, 2017
- Losing Virginity By Her Own Mamu Was A Big Loss - December 10, 2016
- A Dark Tale Of Patriarchy From Ghotki - November 7, 2016
“Baher ki Duniya Bahot Kharab he”
“It is bad outside home”
Almost every girl in our society grows up by hearing the words “Bahar ki Dunya Both Kharab hy” from her mother or grandmother. “Baher ki Duniya” nearly every time is associated to the men who do not have blood relations with girls of those wide awake mommies. “These Zombies” studies with you at your school, working at your office, walking in the same park, or anywhere but no worries they cannot be find at home. These “Bahar ki Dunya waly Mard” are sometimes named as “Bhookey Bhariye” (the hungry wolves) and sometimes they are known as “Kalley Kuttey” (black dogs). Almost every girl is programmed this way and that creates a frightening image of outside world in the minds of girls, that eventually results hearts filled with hatred and terror making them keep distance from the scary out-world. Such over cautious behavior of girls gives a sense of achievement to the mothers and creates an illusion of success. All this may seem an achievement in real for some, because they might have protected their girls from the bad men outside the home, but have they forgotten a moron that lives in the same home. When the girls are told to stay careful from men outside why don’t they warn them against the possible danger from the same kind of men inside home”?
Few months back at university where I used to teach, I came across a twenty years old girl; Let me call her “Mehvish”. One-day passing by I found a ‘heart flouting poem’ written on an old piece of paper in her book, I asked her the reason if she really likes poetry. She hesitantly told me that her mom is bit more watchful than normal middle class Pakistani mothers. Four years back during her O’levels, her mom noticed her weakening performance in education and routine. She was madly looking for the reason and forced her daughter for the explanation, revealing the shocking truth, that her very Mamu (maternal uncle) was sexually abusing her from months, as her father needed to go out of the country for an official trip, Mehvish’s mother requested her brother to babysit its girls in the absence of Mehvish’s dad. Mehvish told her mother that the Mamu threatened her, “if she ever tried to tell her mother about all this abuse, he would destroy her completely”. Losing virginity by her own Mamu was a big loss but her mother’s response was even more painful. Mehvish’s wounded soul broke into innumerable pieces at hearing her mother’s reply.
“tumhen zaroor koi galat fehmi hui hogi” (You must have some misunderstanding)
“khabrdar jo kisi ko btaya to” (No matter what, you are not supposed to tell this to anyone.)
It is not just an incident with Mehvish but at every next home you would find the same situation being faced by girls and sometimes even boys. Mothers must not turn their heads other side and should realize that there is need to keep an eye on men inside the home too. They need to educate their girls about the possible danger that can be caused by their very own family members. By hiding the truth or not supporting their girls against these monsters directly encourages people like this. Why it’s easy to condemn strangers and hard to question blood relatives.
Only if Mehvish have got support from her mother, she instead of writing those bold words on paper would have said to her assailant!!!
No, I won’t stay silent anymore.
No, I’m not your good little girl, your princess, your sunshine.
No, it wasn’t nice or fun.
No, it wasn’t OK with me and I didn’t enjoy it.
No, your money won’t make it all better;
Your gifts don’t compensate me.
No, I won’t be blamed or lose respect if I tell what happened.
No, the sky won’t cave in and I won’t be left alone.
No, I won’t deny that it ever happened,
Suppress my feelings or play happy families.
No, I wasn’t horrible or evil.
No, I didn’t deserve it.
I was a child.