Aminah Qureshi

Aminah Qureshi

Aminah Qureshi is a student of Biotechnology with an interest in current affairs, politics and journalism
Aminah Qureshi

“You are on your own.” His words were followed by a period of prolonged silence that was only filled by the beep of the end-call tone. My heart was thumping synchronously with it. With the cell phone still clasped in my hand, I was trying to believe what I had just heard. I was making every effort to let his words sink in… I was on my own. But how could he simply leave me after having made me a total dependent on him for my entire existence? After making me worship him like a Lord, teaching me the manner in which to supplicate for his eternal love, and completing me in a way no infatuation or love can, how could he leave me? With these thoughts banging against the walls of my skull, I opened my father’s closet and took it out.

I really do not know about the particular moment when I… I decided to give up everything for that man, I myself just being a sixteen-year-old girl. Maybe it was when he entered the classroom to deliver his first lecture… or perhaps when he uttered the first word of the lecture… or may be when he first made an eye contact with me. Believe me, it was the most mesmerizing one second of my life. But I really do not know whether it was this interaction that made me fall for him or when I first exchanged text messages with him. Till that day (in fact, night) I had just known him as the most capable teacher I would ever come across. I had completely ruled out the possible reason behind excelling in his class because of my keen interest him that made me take interest in his subject, too. And I do not want to even consider any possibility of him giving me good grades so as to make me his ‘favourite’ because… because this can just not… because he cannot do this. But from that night on, I had started knowing him as a person. I had started idolizing my ideal.

After two good months of communication in order to know each other better, what others simply claim to be ‘chatting’, we decided to meet in a deserted lab in school… alone. He gave me my first kiss… it cannot be described… that first touch… a warmth of his lips… the spatial closeness we were sharing… everything had fallen just to its right place. But there was something pulling me off… a gut feeling that did not want me to get into this mess. He was already married, had children and, most importantly, was my teacher. I promised myself not to go further down into the marsh.

However, one thing led to another. We met again, but this time in a hotel room. It was safe… safe enough to let us unite without letting anyone know. There, in that room, he gave me my first sexual euphoria… not only through oral stimulation but also by actual penetration. I was looking into his eyes, and he was just above me, covering me entirely. And just when I had tightened my arms around him he pushed… and there he was, his skin meeting mine, his being present inside me. That was my first sex with him but not the last one. Yes, we did it over two hundred times during the course of four years, but the last one actually fused a part of me with his.

Now, that I am pregnant and he has asked me to be on my own, I really do not what to do. My parents will kill me but only after beating and humiliating me. Probably they will not kill me, but I cannot listen to them deploring over my situation. I am still in love with him. However, despite all my love for him and every moment that we have cherished, I cannot forgive this baby for coming into being and myself for letting him know about it that made him leave. I was able to bring that gun from my father’s closet to my room. So I have decided to end it here. I have decided to keep this letter unfinished. I have decided to […]