Muntazir Sherazi
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Muntazir Sherazi

Muntazir likes rock, back coffee, politics and long walks on the beach. Often at the same time.
Muntazir Sherazi
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Mr Umar, a 27 year old man from Lahore, Punjab announced yesterday that he has been sexually active since the age of 16 and now he wants to settle down and when questioned by us about what he wanted in his future partner, he had a one word reply “Virginity”.
When further probed about how he could justify having sex before marriage and not his wife, he replied :

“Dekhein jee, mein mard hoon. Mein jo chahay ker sakta hoon. Mein kisi kharab larki say shadi kaisay ker sakta hoon? Meri izzat ka sawaal hai.” (Look, I’m a man. I can do whatever I want. How can I marry a corrupt girl? It’s about my honour). Our news team was perplexed at the hypocrisy so they decided interview his family.

His mother was asked about why his son was such an asshole and she said “Engineer hai mera larka, ager idher udher moo maar bhi lia tou kia, mard hai mard.” (My son is an engineer, it doesn’t matter if has fucked around a bit, he’s a man).

Our news team then asked Mr. Omar’s sister the same question to which she replied “Burai sub mein hoti hai, 5 waqt ka namazi hai, sharab pi ker bhi namaz parh leyta hai MashAllah, rozay bhi pooray rakhta hai. Ager iski bivi virgin na hoi na tou khud ghar say ghaseet ker nikaloon gi”. (Nobody is perfect, he prays 5 times a day and he’s so pious that he prays even after drinking. And if his wife is not a virgin, I’ll drag the whore out of the house myself).

At this point we asked the sister if she was a virgin or not and that deeply aggravated the family. “Bh********, meri behen meri izzat hai. Kabhi kisi larkay say baat tak nahi ki! Nikal ma*******”, said Mr. Umar angrily (Sister fucker, my sister is my honor!! She has never spoken to a guy in her life!! Get out m************).

At that point, Mr. Umar’s mother gathered all the women from the area and started hurling abuses at our team while threatening them with jharoos and vipers.

Our team decided to save their lives and made a run for it. Late that night, Shahzad our photographer got this “AoA wnt frndshp? m nt virgin ????“. We can neither confirm or deny that it was Mr. Umar’s sister, but we can confirm that Shahzad did indeed want to friendship.