Lalaine Ebenga

Lalaine Ebenga

She is primary care staff nurse in Oman. She has an extensive research on social behaviors. She writes about social empowerment and anxiety.
Lalaine Ebenga

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Social predators are everywhere, we may be interacting with them in our day to day lives and just waiting for the right moment to pounce and shatter your heart and life to pieces. What we don’t know about them is, they are usually charmers, empathic until they get your full trust and attention and turn into your puppeteer who can manipulate you in all manners they fit to serve their needs. They will slither like snakes into your heart and soul and break you up from within. People who have been with close relationships with this kind of people most often develops anxiety disorders, depression and social anxiety at the most.

It’s not your fault if you fell into this kind of trap. From this moment, stop self depreciation and telling how stupid you are for not being able to detect the wolf beneath the sheep’s face. What we only need is the right kind of heart and mind-set to be invincible with these kind of social menace.

Firstly, a person who can nurture happiness within is complete already. We would not need ANYBODY to make us happy and complete. The power is within you. We can find harmony of our mind and heart in solitude and mindfulness. It is not unfounded that you feel the fear from socializing. Yes! It is unnerving to know that we are so vulnerable with all kinds of social predators nowadays with our society plagued with materialism and pragmatism.

Facts that we need to know:

  • No man / woman could ever complete our life but OURSELVES. If we fail to feel the completeness and the best version of ourselves without someone, we might be suffering a condition called CO-DEPENDENCE.

Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:

  • An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
  • A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
  • A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
  • A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
  • An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
  • An extreme need for approval and recognition
  • A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
  • A compelling need to control others
  • Lack of trust in self and/or others
  • Fear of being abandoned or alone
  • Difficulty identifying feelings
  • Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
  • Problems with intimacy/boundaries
  • Chronic anger
  • Lying/dishonesty
  • Poor communications
  • Difficulty making decisions

Excerpt from: http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

  • Relationships should be composed of two individuals who are independent but interdependent         with regards to enhancement of each other’s capabilities.
  • Forget romance, rainbows, soul-mates and unicorns if we have to give up our personal boundaries.Life is practical and therefore our decisions must in line with practicality. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are out there to break your life for fun if we fall in their love scam or other scams they might fit you in for their own personal gain.

Secondly, we must maintain assertiveness and don’t give up our boundaries at all costs! We can face a lot of conflict here as being assertive can be mistaken by rudeness and apathy. We know that it is not the case but nonetheless, it will still look like rudeness unless we learn how to communicate well. Be assertive yet respectful and diplomatic, learn to express yourself in “I” statements instead of “You” statements.

Non-defensive Communication

Pointing the finger and using ‘you’ messages puts blame onto the other person.  When we feel someone is blaming us we often become defensive.  Once people become defensive or angry, communication usually breaks down.

When to Use:

When we need to confront others about their behaviour

When we feel others are not treating us right

When we feel defensive or angry

When others are angry with us

Excerpt from http://www.compassioncoach.com/how_and_when_to_use_i_statements

Be whole from within and be invincible from without. Share your life but don’t hand over the buttons of your happiness, sadness and other emotions for other people to play with. You can do it, I can do it. We can be whole without anybody messing our common sense and personal boundaries. Share your light without allowing anyone to penetrate and mess with the source of light.

To summarize it all, I am encouraging everyone to create and nurture happiness and completeness from within and protect one self’s stability by diplomatic assertiveness.

 

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