Latest posts by Muneera Jamal (see all)
- Motherhood Is Not Meant For Me, But The Hope Never Dies - November 11, 2016
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- Why We Don’t Talk About Men Rights ? - July 5, 2016
10 June , 2010
My parched throat awoke me from my fitful slumber. The naked man beside me is snoring; his breath reeks of alcohol. The mere existence of this man in my chambers is making me nauseous. I want to puke. I got up from the bed and the jingle of the ghungroo adorning my ankles interrupted his rather peaceful sleep.
“Slut!” he screamed.
I could not stifle the chuckle. Did he not realize slut was not an abusive word for me, but is who I am? He smacked me hard on my face and asked me what was so amusing. I chose to stay silent because ‘respected’ people like him do not engage in conversation with people like me, but they do not feel ashamed being ‘inside’ of me. How ironic. I suppressed the urge to laugh this time.
I take off my ghungroo and put them aside. Without them I feel liberated- nobody knows who I am. But everyone knows who I am. I am a woman. I am a living being. Prostitution is what I do, it is not who I am. Not like I was given a choice, nobody in their right mind would opt for this life- a life so low that you do not need people to tell you how disgusting you are. You cringe at yourself. Disrespect from other people does not matter because you do not respect yourself. Nobody harboring a speck of sanity respects you and that is okay, I guess. I don’t know.
I was born here, in this brothel. Not knowing who my father is is the biggest blot on my life. My mother knows I am being raped; raped, yes. Rape is sex without consent and I did not sign up for this miserable life. I want to live a normal life. I want to love and be loved. Why is it my fault that I was born here, if it was not me, it would have been someone else. Why am I frowned upon? Why?
This man occupying my bed right now was on the television talking about abolishing brothels in the morning. So now that we are done talking about how filthy I am, let’s take a second and talk about hypocrisy, maybe?